Fleeting Heart (a poem from years before)

It is unfair…

Unfair that you cared more than I could have asked.

More than I could understand, more than I could fathom…

My mind tried to rationalize the damage my heart was doing. But it could not, and it was then that I realized that I was losing.

I was fighting a battle when I had already lost the war, days, weeks, months before.

It is crushing, the blows that were dealt.

And dare I say it could not be helped?

But It couldn’t, and God I tried…

I tried so hard to understand why what I felt for you was leaving.

I pleaded with my heart, scratching at its walls only to realize I am a slave to it…

To answer its every beck and call…

The fall would be great.

My descent was not quick. No…not at all.

It was steady and my heart…my heart was more than heavy.

I suffered at the whims of the very thing that greatly helped to make “us” possible…

But it is stopping. Dropping. And bringing me down with it.

And what feelings it allowed me to have, it slowly, slowly tore them apart…atom by atom. Molecule by molecule.

Mine own heart.

I tried so hard to make it to you with no fuel.

I ran on fumes

I lashed out because of fear.

I am near the end, where it gets worse before it gets better.

And it is unfair that I will never know what we could have been…

It is unfair…that my heart, “our” hearts…will never know what it means to love one another again.